I Only Had One Drink, But I Feel Hung Over.

Not physically I should say.

I attended a wedding today, the daughter of a cousin. We've watched her grow up, albeit from a distance. She is but a year older than my eldest, which makes my two sons the next most likely to marry. Good duty, as I like to say, but less and less pleasant for me.

Whenever I go to a wedding, which happens less and less, a sort of cultural jet lag sets in which makes me cranky. This is my problem, let me say right now. My generation mocked the weddings of their parents, so turn about is fair play I guess. And what I observed is not unique to this one wedding. But as I almost actually never attend them - mostly officiate which affects my point of view - I found myself actually annoyed. How hypocritical is that.

Here's what got under my skin.

1. Drinking before the ceremony. When you hold the ceremony at the reception site, the bar may be open even before the bride marches down. More than one groomsman fortified himself ahead of the occasion.

2. Wearing sunglasses. Yes, the sun was hot and bright, but it seems flippant for the groom and his gang to line up like some merry members of the Secret Service. None of the bridesmaids wore sunglasses, why should the men?

3. Not dressing up. Another guy thing, mostly. Again, I know it was hot and all. But the bride wore a long dress, a dressy long dress. With veil. That's worth a tie and jacket. I was one of three men so attired.

As I pondered my certifiably fogey like reactions - something too much like my father for me to like - the overall frustration came into view. We live in an ever more juvenile culture. Men in particular seem to think fraternity style behavior is what men should be doing throughout life.

There were signs in some weddings at which I officiated - the furtive six packs left in chapel pews, the showing up late for or blowing off rehearsals, the swift removal of ties even while in the receiving line. As a clergyman I can police this sort of behavior somewhat. But when I see it from a civilian vantage I could see that this not rebelliousness or surliness. Getting drunk, looking cool, not having to be 'uncomfortable' in a tie or jacket are considered normal. They don't even need excuses. It's what being a guy is about.

Then I thought about how many men in sit-coms are portrayed as oafish, self absorbed, frat boy like creatures. They are paired with cynical, smart aleck women who constantly save them from becoming baboons. We laugh at their antics, smile at the sighing sufferance of the women, and grow to expect it in real life.

For my father and me, getting married is when you put away that sort of life and started acting like a grownup. My dad left for his honeymoon in a suit and overcoat, wearing a homburg hat. He was not yet 23. I wore a three piece suit and did not loosen my tie until my bride and I were preparing for bed.

For me, being a man means being a grownup. I find it ironic that Senator Obama caused a controversy when addressing this issue with black men but no one noticed that all men are in need of growing up. Senator McCain would be an excellent person to mention this.